i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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