Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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