After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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