In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
