I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
