My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
