It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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