I wanna bring you to show and tell
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
