I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
