took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
