Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
