I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
