you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
