Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
