Where did you get a picture of my penis
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
