pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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