Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
