so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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