He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The power of my boobs compel you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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