Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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