; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have already put on my inside pants.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize