Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
