dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
