My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
