We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
