I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
