you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
