Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
