I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize