Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
