If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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