Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
