Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
