Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just pee around me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
