he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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