Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wear drunk well.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize