i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
