Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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