there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
