we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
