i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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