you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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