she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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