Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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