I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
