stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
