I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
