Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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