This is not my ceiling
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
