I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
