Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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