Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
