dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
