just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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