Got a toothbrush?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Randomize