I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
