You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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