No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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