Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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