I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
