In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
