everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize