I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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