Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
