My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
