i barfeds in our rink
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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