That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Still dying that you shit outside
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize