nut hugger
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
