Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
