Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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