Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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