I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize