PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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