I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
