I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
