listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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