planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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