Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize