How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
