Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
