Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
