Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
