Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
