No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
