dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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