haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
