yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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