It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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