If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
