Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nicole vs. Life
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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