Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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