i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
