I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
