My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
