You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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