here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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