She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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