Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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