I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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