you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
