i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
