he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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