fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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