she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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