It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
