We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
