I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
