theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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