Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
