I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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