Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
