I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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