you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
