Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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