Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
