I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
