Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
