Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
