The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
